Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)

== SPOILERS. ==

I just finished watching Resident Evil: Afterlife and well.... let's just say it was pretty much what I thought it was going to be.

That is to say, not much.

Not that it should really surprise anyone who watched the first three movies, which left -a lot- to be desired as well. But those are for a review another day.

Let's start with what they did right... ish. There actually seemed to be a lot more tips of the hat to the games of the same name, then there did in the other movies. We have some of the same characters, both 'good' and 'evil' and supporting (the axe guy and the dogs? Ok, pretty cool), and of course there is the Umbrella Corporation. It was nice to see everyone, even if the story is so convoluted and has so little connection to the games unless (and this is only supposition) you're a major RE/Biohazard nut who spends all waking hours piecing together every bit of history and timeline that ever is or was. And you know what? Who even cares, this is RE the movie, and after the first 3 movies if you haven't learnt to just stop caring, then what are you even doing here?

the love child of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Mr Smith from the Matrix... if one of them was blond.

 
Milla Jovavich is lovely to watch as always, Wesker was pretty nicely portrayed actually, and Chris was ok. Everyone else was fairly forgettable, and was it just me, or were the two pretty long brunettes almost impossible to tell apart? When Crystal died, I honestly thought it was Claire who had kicked it, and was wondering why everyone was being so nonchalant about her death. Literally two seconds after she's eaten, they're grinning over a gun stash. Listen, Alice and Chris, even if that hadn't been your friend/sister, you could still show a little respect.


Whatever, right. This is Resident Freaking Evil. We eat pretty B grade actress for lunch.

Anyway, the story is rather unimpressive and unimportant. There's some place/ship called Arcadia they're trying to get to, it turns out to be ANOTHER instance of Umbrella experimentation, shit goes down, blah blah blah... Seriously, does Umbrella have NOTHING better to do than experiment on every last surviving human left on this planet? How will that help anyone?

Oh right, right, who cares. Not me.

The music is pretty meh, when there even is music. The camera work is also pretty lazy at times. I swear at one point I saw someone or some cloth or something get in the way of a panning shot, and another time where the camera just plain ol' shook because someone knocked it. In fact the whole film felt rather lazy and slapdash.

The first half was certainly the worst. I will admit, it picked up a little around the second half, and almost managed to be entertaining. That first half tho, boy, was it -bad-. It was over the top in a way that wasn't even fun or enjoyable, it was just ridiculous and boring. It was even worse than I was expecting of the movie, but then the last act somewhat saved the whole thing, and bumped my overall opinion up a tiny.

 Just admit you're gonna watch it for her, and be done with it.

So I guess overall the whole film was pretty mediocre and pretty meh and pretty uninspiring.

If you're a huge Resident Evil fan or aren't particularly fussy about your action films, then you might want to check this out... if your friend is loaning you a copy. That he burnt. So it's completely free. But I wouldn't recommend spending any money on this, because you'll probably be thinking afterwards about all the things you could have bought with that dosh instead, and what you could have been doing with that time.

In conclusion: Two out of five stars, or something.